Freedom
by carissima
Summary: Takes place after season 6, J&H. Please R&R! (completed)
1. Anger

**A/N: Please R&R, I need feedback on this one :-) Hope you enjoy!**

Kitty ran back to the office door. "Kitty!" Red sighed. "I came all this way, I want my fur coat!" Kitty yelled. Red looked at Jackie, who just shrugged. "Okay, you get Steven; I'll get the crazy one." Jackie nodded and raced down the stairs, trying not to trip on her high-heels in her hurry to get to Steven before he left the building and she lost him. She raced out onto the street, and saw his curly hair above the crowd, and she pushed past the people in her way, ignoring their indignant looks and words. She reached out and grabbed his jacket

"Steven!" Jackie was a little breathless. She made a mental note to get back to cheerleading practice as soon as possible.

"What the hell?" Hyde turned round and saw his petite girlfriend, looking all rumpled and breathless. He took a second to enjoy the sight, then he turned around and kept walking. "Come on."

Jackie frowned. "Where are we going? Mr Foreman told me to bring you back." Hyde shrugged. The last place he wanted to be was near Mrs Foreman. Bless her, she was like his mom, she was better than his mom, but she was driving him crazy about his 'real' dad. Admittedly, Jackie wasn't far behind Mrs Foreman, but he figured that she wasn't gonna leave him, so maybe he could just get her to shut up and leave him in peace. The last thing he wanted was Jackie yapping about his dad, and how great it was gonna be, and how rich he might be, and how Steven wasn't a poor orphan anymore. He'd always ignored Jackie's comments about him being a poor orphan. At first, when they were enemies, he knew it was just a burn, there was nothing serious behind it. When they started dating, she said it less, but when she did say it, he knew she didn't mean it, just like he didn't mean it when he called her a spoiled princess. Well, except for the fact that she was a spoiled princess. But there was no resentment or spite in their words, they just said it to keep each other in check. But the comments she'd made just after he'd found out had grated on him. "Oh my God! Steven, this is so exciting! You have a whole new family, which is great because I hate your family! … Yeah, I don't like guys who cry …. What if your new dad is something amazing like a doctor. Or the guy who owns the love boat!" Her words swam in his head. That was the best she could come up with? He'd just been given some news that made his whole life a lie, and changed who he thought he was, and would probably affect his life in ways that he still couldn't comprehend, and his girlfriend could only come up with that?

Hyde turned and glared at his girlfriend, who was running to keep up with his pace. Any other time, and he'd appreciate that she looked silly, in her red skirt and high heels, trying to look graceful while being yanked along a busy street. But not this time. His anger was building at her inability to understand what he was going through. Surely after all this time, she'd figure out what he wanted to hear, and what he didn't want to hear.

Jackie didn't know where they were going, and she was pretty sure Steven didn't either, since he'd never been to Milwaukee before, but she knew he wanted to get as far away as possible from the office they'd just left. She grimaced as his hold tightened on her wrist, but she kept quiet. The look on his face told her to keep quiet. She sensed that this wasn't just about his dad, but she had never fully understood the depths of Steven's feelings towards Edna and Bud. She couldn't begin to imagine how this new dad fit into Steven's life and she had no idea how this was gonna affect him. She hoped that all the good work she'd done to open him up wouldn't evaporate with this new development. The first chance she got, she was gonna make him talk and make him tell her what he was feeling. She'd always found that letting Steven dwell on his thoughts led to bad things, such as when he'd seen Kelso and her on the sofa, and he'd worked himself into such a state that he'd slept with a skanky nurse. Or when she'd yelled 'Get off my boyfriend!", she should have stayed and made him listen to why she'd said it, instead of running away and letting him talk himself into finishing their relationship. No, dwelling wasn't good. Jackie grimaced again, his grip on her wrist got even tighter, but she bit her lip and let him go on wandering through the maze of unknown streets, until he finally stopped when he found a hotel. He went up to the desk, and she watched him get a room. Somehow, she doubted that Steven was feeling horny, which meant he wanted to be alone for another reason. That was good, it would be easier to make him open up if they were alone. But when Steven turned round, she saw the look on his face, it was a thunderous look, and Jackie shivered, feeling a frisson of fear run up her spine. Jackie knew he was furious, but that look had just told her that he was furious at her.


	2. Defiance

Hyde grabbed Jackie's hand and pulled her towards the stairs. Jackie kept quiet and tried to keep a smile on her face. She could feel the anger vibrating off him, but she couldn't think of anything she'd done to irritate Steven this much. Thankfully, he'd gotten a room on the first floor. Hyde fumbled with the key, and then pushed open the door. He waited for Jackie to go in first, noting the scared look on her face. He took a deep breath, and forced himself to look calm. Hell, if Jackie looked scared, he had to look angry. He rarely saw Jackie scared of anyone. Jackie sat on the bed and looked at him expectantly. Hyde chose to stand by the window. He didn't want to talk right then, because he knew he wouldn't be able to control what came out of his mouth. He just felt so much anger, at Edna, Bud, this new guy, Mrs Foreman, Mr Foreman, and Jackie. Jackie, who was still waiting for him to say something.

He turned around, and was surprised to find Jackie standing right in front of him. She stared into his eyes, then lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck. She dragged him into her hug, even though all he wanted to do was scream and yell at her. Hyde sighed, and then pushed Jackie away. He ignored the look of hurt in her eyes, and turned around to stare out of the window again.

Jackie was worried. Steven still hadn't said a word. Normally, Jackie realised that this meant he didn't want to talk, and so she'd offered him comfort in her arms. Every other time, he'd let her hold him, pretending that he was doing it for her sake, when they both knew it was for him. But this time, he hadn't even lifted his arms. He hadn't returned the hug.

"Steven …" Jackie reached out and lightly touched his back. She felt him stiffen immediately, and she drew back. She took a deep breath, she could do this, Steven always looked after her, and now, finally, it was her turn. She put her arms on his shoulders and forced him to face her. She stared at him, trying to see into his eyes, past the sunglasses, but she couldn't. "Are you gonna tell me what's wrong?"

Hyde looked at her. His emotions were bubbling at the surface, but he still fought to keep them down. He'd been fighting the same fight for 18 years, he was well practised at the battle. But today, well, today was different. He was losing control of the battle, it was just too much. He pushed Jackie away from him, willing to fight Jackie if it meant winning the battle with his emotions. He wasn't aware of Jackie stumbling onto the floor, he wasn't aware of how out of control he'd become, he was so immersed in his own private war that he was unaware of everything around him, even the girl who meant the world to him.

Jackie was in shock. Steven had actually pushed her? He'd physically put his hands on her and pushed her. For a brief moment she considered getting the hell away from him, scared he would turn violent. But her heart told her to stay. Jackie listened to her heart, and knew that Steven was going through a personal hell, and she needed to pull him out of it. Whatever it took, she'd stay and rescue him from the depths of his pain. She had to, she had no choice. Besides, he hadn't pushed her hard, it was only her stupid high heels that had taken her off-balance and made her stumble. Jackie picked herself up and looked at Steven. He looked like he always looked, but she knew he was hurting. She took a step forward, and slipped her arms around his waist.

Hyde looked down at the brunette hugging his waist. He tried to prise her off, but her grip was too strong, too tight. He tried everything he could, he clawed and pulled and pushed, but nothing shook her. Hyde eventually stopped, and he felt her look at him. He ignored the look. He felt her hands start to stroke his back. He ignored her hands. She stood on tiptoe and tried to force him to look at her. He ignored her.

Jackie knew she'd won a small victory, but she had a long way to go. She tried to make him look at her, but he wasn't going to. She stroked his back, trying to soothe away some of the pain, but he stood as rigid as before. She gave up trying to snap him out of his hell, and instead concentrated on giving him comfort in her arms. She didn't let go, even after her arms fell asleep and her body ached. She had no idea how long they'd been standing there, but she refused to give up. She was Jackie Burkhardt, she was strong, and stubborn, and she always got what she wanted. While a year ago, that would have meant having a tantrum and sulking til she got her way, being with Steven had made that part of Jackie grow up. She was staying.

Hyde had no idea how long they'd been standing together, her with her arms locked tightly around him, him with his arms hanging uselessly by his sides. The war he was waging within himself was no closer to being won, yet the other war, the one being fought with Jackie, that one was over. He sighed and lifted his arms, wrapping them tightly around the petite girl who had fought and won her way into his life, again and again. He gave up trying to fight her, and squeezed her tightly, afraid to let go, afraid to let her go, taking the comfort she offered and using it to fight the emotions he was feeling. But he didn't know how long he was gonna last. He was afraid, very afraid, that he was gonna lose this battle for the first time in his life. And he clung to Jackie even tighter.


	3. Release

Jackie pulled back slightly so she could look up at Hyde. He refused to look at her. He may have accepted her comfort, but he was still mad as hell, and the war he'd been fighting for as long as he could remember was about to become a massacre.

"Steven?" Hyde ignored her. "Steven!" Jackie's voice rose. She was trying to snap him out of the trance he seemed to be lost in. He ignored her again. This time, Jackie tried shaking him. "Steven!!" Suddenly Jackie felt him wrench himself away from her, using her momentary distraction to loosen her grip on him. He began stalking the room. Jackie moved out of his way and leaned against the window. She took a deep breath, then released it, wondering what exactly was going to happen. She knew Hyde couldn't last much longer, that he had to let go at some point. She watched him pace for about five minutes, and then he suddenly stopped. He turned, looked at Jackie, and opened his mouth. Jackie beat him to it. She'd seen that mask go up, the one he put up for everyone to see, but this time she wasn't going to let him. This time, he wasn't going to shut it all inside. This time, he was going to let go, and be damned with the consequences. Jackie could stand anything Hyde had to say, she had enough love in her for this man that she could weather anything he threw at her. She'd changed so much, from the girl who had so tightly controlled Michael, and had gotten upset and mad every time he'd stood up to her, to this woman, who wanted Steven to shout and scream and lose control, because she knew he had to. He had to do it, or it would eat inside of him, torturing him for the rest of his life. Jackie mentally strengthened her armour, and told herself that whatever Steven had to say, she could take it. She had to take it, for both their sakes.

"Don't you dare do this Steven! If you walk out of this room without telling me exactly why you left your dad's office, and why you raced me here, and why you've been glaring at me for hours, I swear to God, I will …. Well, I'll do something really bad!" Okay, Jackie wasn't so good with the words here, but her general point had hit its mark. Hyde's mask slipped. Jackie braced herself.

"Why the hell did you say all that crap you said? Steven, I hate your family. Steven, I hate men that cry. Steven, your dad could own the love boat." Hyde mimicked her. "What the hell, Jackie?! That's the best you could come up with? I've just been told my life has been a lie, that everything I'd known was a lie, and that's what you say? Are you kidding me? That's all our relationship has to offer? When something bad happens, revert to being Jackie and make stupid, spoiled, immature, idiotic comments? You couldn't stop and think about me for a second? You couldn't say anything else? No, because Jackie Burkhardt doesn't think about anyone but herself, she doesn't know how. She lives in her own world and thinks the world revolves around her. I'd thought you'd changed, but you obviously haven't." Hyde turned away from her, trying not to see the tears coursing down Jackie's cheeks. "I just can't believe …. I can't believe that I allowed myself to care about you, when you don't care about anyone but yourself. When you said that you loved me, that can't have been the truth. You probably just wanted to believe it, so you said it, hoping that it would be true. But its not. Loving someone means being selfless, and putting them first. Your words, your actions just prove that's a load of crap."

Hyde took a deep breath, refusing to look at Jackie, forcing the pain to come out. "You and Mrs Foreman, you both pretend to care, but that's a huge lie. Steven, are you gonna cry?" He mimicked Mrs Foreman. "What the hell? She devastates me with this news, and then wants me to cry? She _wants_ me to cry?" Hyde shook his head. "I needed someone to care, someone to say the right words, and I get you and Mrs Foreman? What did I do to deserve that? Was it too out there for me to expect some sympathy? Some understanding? The best I got was Red, saying that he'd tell if I cried." Hyde turned and faced Jackie, not seeing her tears, not seeing anything but the pain he felt, emanating off him in waves. He saw it everywhere he looked.

Jackie felt her heart breaking. She didn't say a word, she didn't move a muscle, knowing that there was more to come, that this was just the trickle before the avalanche. There was so much more to come. And the thought terrified her. But she'd gotten through it so far. She knew he had to get this out, so she waited, feeling very afraid.


	4. Defeat

**A/N: Please R&R if you like, or even if you don't like!**

Hyde couldn't stop the words from spilling out. For eighteen years, he'd kept them hidden inside, so well hidden that resentments he hadn't known he'd held came bubbling out. "You remember when Bud came back don't you?" Hyde spat the name of the man who'd betrayed him. "You'd have thought that, since I'd grown up since the last time he was round, that maybe it was time to tell me the truth. But no, lets keep the lies going. Maybe at 9, I was too young, but I was 17 when he came back, man! You'd think he'd give me some credit, you'd think that maybe he'd realise what a crap father he'd been, and maybe let me know that I hadn't inherited his genes, that I inherited someone else's. Maybe a guy who wasn't a drunk, screw-up who abandoned his family and never looked back. Maybe that would have been good to know. My whole life I'd thought I was destined to be like him, destined to screw up and leave people. My whole life could have been different. I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have felt so insecure about you and Kelso, I wouldn't have done the stupidest thing I've ever done and cheated on you. I wouldn't be living in Foreman's basement, working in a hotel kitchen basically going nowhere fast. I could have done things! Bud left when I was 9, and he made me think I'd done something to make him leave, but it wasn't me, it was Edna. He didn't wanna raise someone else's kid anymore."

Jackie felt like she was being ripped in two, listening to Steven talking like this. She had never, ever thought she'd witness him break down, hearing the unadulterated emotions he'd coped with all these years. She felt a part of her withering away, that she'd known him all this time, loved him for so long, and she hadn't realised the depths of the man she loved. She knew he'd been hurt, she had understood some of it, but he'd kept it so well hidden, deep inside, that she'd been blissfully unaware of the very heart of Steven. A part of her wanted to stop him, to stop the pain he felt, to comfort him, but the other part, the wise part, knew the best thing she could do was to sit and listen. Listen while Steven wrestled with his past, no matter how deep he cut into her, because she loved him. She couldn't even move to wipe the tears that kept streaming down her face, tears that fell for the little boy Steven was, and for the man he had become. Tears for the days she'd gone on holiday with her parents, or the day she'd gotten a pony, or the days she'd been swamped with presents, because she'd been happy, while he'd been through hell. She'd only been a kid, and she'd hardly known Hyde at that point, but that didn't matter. He'd only been a kid too. She was trying to keep up with what he was saying, but sometimes it was hard, he skipped around a lot, in his anxiety to get everything out as soon as possible, to make the pain stop as quickly as possible.

"And then there's Edna. Good old Edna. Bud's wife. My mom. I wonder when she told Bud. Maybe my real dad had skipped town before she could tell him. Maybe it'd been a one night stand. Maybe she'd told him but he'd left anyway. Doesn't really matter I guess, they're all a hell of a way to be brought into the world. It just makes me feel so damn special. Maybe Bud didn't know until after he'd married her, or maybe he still doesn't know. Either way, you can bet I wasn't wanted by either one of them. Look at how they skipped town without me last year. Did you know, I didn't even see Edna when she came back? I just woke up one morning and found a note from Bud. She didn't even wanna see me. Makes me feel that much more special, you know? She blatantly didn't want me, so I guess she thought no one else would. Not once did she even suggest that I wasn't Bud's son. Not once. She beat it into me, you know?" Hyde mimicked his mother; "You're just like your dad, Steven. Go ahead, run off Steven, just like your father. You'll never amount to anything, Steven. God, do you know how many times I went to sleep, praying that I'd wake up in another house, in another life, with another family? How many nights I still do that? What was so wrong with me that I had to grow up with Edna and Bud? Edna couldn't stop her whoring around, every day I'd wake up to find a new 'uncle' at breakfast, or I'd wake up to find my mom passed out with a bottle in her hand, or she'd stay in her room because she'd got involved with the wrong guy and she'd been hit. Bud wasn't much better. I can't remember a single childhood memory where he wasn't drunk, or passed out from drink. And they'd fight every day and every night. Why do you think I spent all my time in Foreman's basement? It was as peaceful as my life would get, and Red and Kitty felt more like parents than Edna and Bud. I hated that every time I'd come round, Mrs Foreman would make me something to eat, because she knew I hadn't gotten anything from home. But at least she'd cared."

Suddenly the anger drained out of Hyde's voice. "What does all this say about me? Before I knew about this new dad, I was fine. I was Hyde." He paused. "But I guess I'm not Hyde anymore, since Bud aint my dad." He sank onto the bed, defeated. "What the hell am I?"


	5. Fighting Back

They sat in silence for a while, both too stunned by the outburst to speak. Jackie tentatively stretched out her hand and placed it gently on Hyde's shoulder, only to feel him tense and jump up, anger and pain radiating from him.

"Don't touch me! I don't need your pity, and I don't need you. Just because ….." Hyde gestured with his hands. " … this happened, it doesn't change anything. The last thing I need is another stupid comment from Jackie Burkhardt, so you can just run along back to the Foremans' and forget about this, forget about us."

"Steven." Jackie made her voice soft, even though her emotions were boiling inside. She deliberately ignored his baiting, and tried to reach him. "Steven, please …"

"No! Jackie, just leave. Just go back to your old life, the one you had before you decided to slum it with me for a while." His whole body tensed, waiting. He wasn't sure which would be worse, the sound of a door slamming, or the unbearable sound of crying. He was pushing her, forcing her to leave so he could stop the immediate pain he couldn't shake. But he knew it was stupid even as he said the words, because if she did leave, he'd be facing a fresher wound, and one that he wasn't entirely sure he could bury, despite the lifetime training he'd had in concealment. He saw her moving out of the corner of his eye, and he prayed, unsure of what he was praying for, whether it was for her to leave, or not leave.

Jackie's restraint ended. "Now you listen to me, Steven Hyde. I've been here with you through all of this. You don't get to just push me aside like I don't matter. And you don't get to push me aside so you can pretend today never happened. I've listened to you, through your pain and your anger, and I've listened to everything you've said, even though it broke my heart to listen to you. I've shared your pain, I've taken it into me, so don't you dare tell me to get out, and don't you dare tell me that you don't need me, because today's just proved that you do." Jackie glared at him, unwilling to stop now that she'd started. Hyde stared at her, then shrugged, trying to pretend that he didn't care what she had to say.

"Now, you think I'm spoiled and immature, that I don't think about anyone else but myself, that I don't really love you? That's such a load of crap Steven, and you know it. If I didn't care, would I be here? If I didn't care, would I have put up with you today? If I didn't care, would I still be here, despite everything you've done and said to me today? No. So don't tell me that I don't love you, and don't tell me that I'm immature and self-centred, because it's not true. It was once, but you changed that, and you know it. So cut the crap. I know you're hurting, and I'm so amazed that you've opened up, finally, and I'm so glad you opened up to me. But I'm not about to let you wallow in lies and distortions of the truth." Jackie stared down at the man she loved, willing him to listen to her. She knew it was possible, even probable, that he'd block out what she wanted to say, and try to keep her out of his life, now that she'd gotten too close, but she wasn't going to let him. He was gonna listen to her, no matter how long it took. She was stubborn, she'd already proved that by getting him to talk in the first place. But she was going to try to mend both their hearts, as much as she could.

"Do you remember when my dad went to prison? Do you remember what you said to me? Stuff about baking cakes and hiding files, or giving him cigarettes so he wouldn't become someone's wife? What the hell were you thinking then? Did any part of you think that this was what I really wanted to hear? It wasn't even close! I needed you to say everything was gonna be okay, and that you'd look after me, but you didn't, you just made stupid jokes. Sound familiar?" Jackie glared at Hyde, willing him to lift his head, but he didn't. "You didn't know what to say, and neither did I. I didn't know what to say to make you feel better, even though I was aching to make it go away, aching to make it better for you. I knew you weren't gonna want me to fuss and baby you in front of the Foremans'. So tell me, what exactly should I have said? I just blurted things out, the same as you did. I was waiting til we were alone, but when we were, you didn't wanna talk about it, so I couldn't say all the right words that I'd been storing up. Next thing I know, you come up and want to go to Milwaukee. So here we are, still no chances for me to say what I wanted to say. So, there you go, that's why I said what I said. You thought it was because I didn't care? Because I think the world revolves around me? You are so far past the right answer, that it's unbelievable. I can't believe that you'd think that of me." Jackie wiped away a tear, she didn't want to give in to any emotion right now, she had to drag Hyde out of his despair, and making him realise that she cared, that she loved him more than she'd thought possible, was her highest priority right now.

She knelt in front of him, reaching up to take off those damn sunglasses. Dammit, he'd opened up to her; he didn't need those stupid things as protection anymore. She'd taken a glimpse into his innermost feelings, and she wasn't going to let him throw away all the good she'd done. She gasped at the raw pain and agony she saw in his eyes, paralysed momentarily at the sheer force that he'd released. She'd had no idea that eyes could express so much in just one look, understanding finally why he kept them on most of the time. "Steven, I know we don't often say it, but I need you to understand that I love you. I love you with all my heart, and nothing you say or do to me is ever gonna change that. I promise." Hyde stared at her. "I'm so sorry that I didn't say what you wanted to hear, but I'm not willing to take the entire blame for it."

Hyde sighed. No matter what he did to this little pixie, she kept coming back for more. He couldn't understand it, he couldn't understand her. He'd yelled and screamed and pushed her away, yet she was still here. She was still staring earnestly into his eyes. He saw her through his pain, but he couldn't reach out to her … not yet.


	6. Loneliness

Jackie sighed. She had to snap him out of this. "Look, maybe saying that I hated your family right after hearing Mrs. Forman tell you that you had a new one wasn't the best thing. But I DO hate your family. I say that a lot. Not because they're poor or because your mom was …well, gross. But because they couldn't see what they had. They screwed around with you, living in their own little worlds, not caring about the little boy they were messing with." Jackie stroked Hyde's cheek as he stared at her, hoping against hope that he was taking some of this in. "But look how great you turned out, without them." Hyde started laughing. He saw the seriousness in Jackie's eyes, but he couldn't help it.

"Yeah, I turned out just great. Arrested at 17 and being put on probation. I'm a hophead, and I'm never gonna change. I'm not destined to have a great job, or a lot of money, or a happy future. I cheated on the one person who cared about me for no reason at all, I live in my friend's basement, and I work in a hotel. Yeah, I turned out just great." Hyde shook his head. What was he doing? He liked his life! Why was he moaning and whining about who he was? He liked who he was. He was Hyde, he was cool, he was …. no longer certain about anything he'd held to be true. The last few days had taken his feet out from under him, with Donna and Eric, his new family …. He no longer accepted what he'd believed and known to be true. Hyde shook his head again, trying to clear his thoughts. He was no longer certain about anything, about his identity, about his past, about his future ….

"Steven, that's not who you are. You got arrested because I was stupid and you were trying to protect me. So you get high, we all do it. You're not the only one in that circle. You can do and be anything you want, because you're so smart and capable. Look at your SAT scores, and that was without even opening a book! That should prove to you how much you could do, how much you could be, what you are. So you live in the Forman's basement. I live at Donna's. Mr & Mrs Forman are like your parents; they treat you like they treat Eric, hell, they treat you better. They see the same things in you that I do. I don't look at you and see Hyde, the guy who smokes dope and was orphaned by his loser parents. I see Steven, who's always protected me, and looked after me, even before we started dating. I see you, who wouldn't let me sleep on my own when my family dissolved, who makes me melt when he kisses me. I see you, who loves me for who I am, and who I love for who he is, who tried to show Michael that he couldn't run out on Brooke and their baby, who tries to pretend he doesn't care about anyone, but tried to show Donna that Eric loves her and was trying to save her by stopping their wedding. That's who you are, and that's who everyone who knows you, everyone who cares about you sees when they look at you. That's the guy I saw when I looked beneath the sarcasm and burns back when I stalked you." That episode in her life still caused immense embarrassment, but Jackie ignored the blush she felt creeping up her face. "That's the guy I've seen everyday since. That's the guy I love."

Hyde jumped up, a stormy look on his face. "Jackie. Stop, just stop it, that's not who I am. That's who you WANT me to be. Those things, anybody would have done. The rest of the time, I'm just me, the orphan. The loser. The hophead. I'm never gonna escape my past. It doesn't matter who this guy turns out to be, he's not my dad. He's doesn't have anything to do with me. He's just someone else who skipped out on me. I can add that to the long list of people who took one look at me and left."

Jackie stood up and grabbed Hyde around the shoulders, standing on her tiptoes and bringing his head down to her level. "Don't you dare go on about how everyone leaves you! Look at me, I've been through it too! I've had everyone leave too! But I didn't have the friends you have, and I didn't have the Forman's to take me in. Do you see me thinking it's my fault? Do you see me blaming myself? You've got so many people in your life that have never left you, and never will leave you, despite how hard you push. Eric will always, always be there whenever you need him. I know you call him a girl and think he's too emotional, but deep down you like that about him, because you know whenever you have a problem, he'll listen. And he'll not only listen, but he'll see beneath your crap and hear what you're not saying. Donna is exactly the same. Kelso and Fez, dumb as they are, they'll always be there. They might not be like Eric and Donna, but they're like dogs, loyal to the end. Your friendship with Michael survived fighting over me, so you know nothing can break you two. You've got Mr. and Mrs. Forman, who didn't throw you out after you got arrested. They kept their doors open to you, because they care, like they'll always care." Jackie shook Hyde with every new person she talked about. "There's Leo, who may not be around anymore, but he cared. He didn't leave you, he wrote you that note. He cared. That's seven people who have never left you, and they've been there for you." Jackie stopped to catch her breath.

They stared into each other's eyes. Hyde was still fighting against everything she'd been saying, but Jackie was stubborn, she wasn't going to give in. She stared a bit harder, thinking that she saw a change take place in Hyde. He stood silent for a minute. Then he said, ever so softly, so she could barely hear,

"What about you?"


	7. Understanding & Happiness

**A/N: Technically, these are two chapters, but I couldn't find a good place to separate them, so I combined them :-) Sorry its so long! Its the end of this particular story, so please please please review and let me know what you thought of it!**

Jackie smiled softly. She could feel victory within her grasp. He was finally listening to her; somehow she'd gotten through those defences of his. She knew Hyde needed to hear how she felt, just this once. And she was more than happy to oblige. She moved into Hyde's body, wrapping her arms around him as she stared into his eyes. She felt his arms move so they gently circled her waist. She reached up and gave him a soft kiss. "What about me? I've never left you. When we were enemies, I never left you. Later, when we were friends, I never left you. Then when we started fooling around, I never left you. When you hurt me deeper than I knew it was possible to hurt, I came back. We've never talked about any of this stuff, like about our parents. I always just knew that you understood, and you were always there when I felt down, or when I needed comfort. I always thought it was the same for you. I know you hate talking about stuff like this, so I never pushed it. But I thought you knew that, although I didn't bring it up, I understood. I've always understood. My parents were, or are, alcoholics, like yours. My parents weren't around much, like yours. Even back when I was with Michael, and all you and I seemed to share were insults and cheap burns, I understood. Every time I saw that look in your eyes, every time your parents let you down, I never said anything, but I understood."

Jackie smiled as she looked back on their history. "Do you remember career day, when you went to work with your mom in the canteen? I was having fun with Red, he was teaching me about cars and stuff. I had so much fun, it was like he was my dad, you know? And I know you know, because you came to him when your mom was on your back about being like your dad …. I mean, like Bud." Jackie glossed over her slip. "I was listening, and I heard what you felt, because I felt it too. You were scared you were gonna end up like Bud, running out on your responsibilities, becoming a loser, and I shared that, thinking I would turn out like my mom, running out on her responsibilities, and trying to use money to make her happy. But I knew you wouldn't want me to hear what you were saying, so I came out from under the car to let you know." Jackie smiled, and for the first time, Hyde smiled too, remembering the shock of seeing Jackie covered in grease, working on a car. "And then when you took me to Prom, because you wanted me to stop crying." Jackie smiled at that memory. "You looked so handsome all dressed up, I'd never noticed how sexy you were." Hyde rolled his eyes, despite the smile Jackie could see in his eyes. "I heard your mom yell at you, and I saw you try and push it aside. My mom had told me that I didn't look as pretty as she did at her Prom when I left my house. But then you told me that you thought I looked beautiful, and I totally forgot about what my mom and what your mom had said. See, even when we were enemies, I was there, and I understood." Jackie shook her head. If only she'd looked past Michael, she would have seen what was waiting for her. She'd been so blind back then, not really grasping her own feelings. She hadn't known at the time how well she'd understood Hyde, it was only now, looking back, that she could see what they'd shared, without even realising it. Hyde caught the wistful look on her face, and he couldn't hold back any longer. He dropped a kiss on her forehead, and held her close, burying his face in her hair. It felt so good to hold her, and be held by her. But he knew she had more to say, so he pulled back and resumed his listening pose.

"Then when we were friends, after my little stalking phase …" Jackie and Hyde grinned at each other. "There was some kind of understanding between us. I started to really respect and like you, beneath all the insults and things we used to say to each other. Then I finally got past my stupid Michael phase, and I let myself feel things for you. Things I'd never felt with Michael. I saw beneath all the crap you throw out to everyone. I saw the man underneath. Those glimpses you'd shown before, they came out more often, like when you shaved off your beard, I understood what you were saying. And I knew there was something more to us than just fooling around. I started to care for you, more deeply than I'd cared about anyone. You changed me for the better, making me a little less shallow, a little less spoiled, a little more mature. And then I screwed up, I said that thing to Michael and Annette. I felt so awful, Steven, seeing the look on your face, and I knew I loved you. When I told you, I meant it, I really meant it. Not like those times I said it every five minutes when Michael and I were dating. And I knew I'd changed you too, because you forgave me, instead of pushing me away because I'd hurt you. And later, you told me that you loved me too. I know I hurt you when I said I didn't love you anymore, but I was in so much pain, that I wanted to inflict it on you as well. I know it was childish, but I couldn't help it. When we got back together, I knew it would be different, it would be better, because you finally trusted me, and I knew you were the only person I wanted to be with, the only person I loved. We'd finally put our pasts behind us."

Hyde couldn't take his eyes off Jackie. He grasped onto every word she said. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt vulnerable, but that was exactly how he felt right at that moment. Jackie had gotten through to the innermost part of him, and she was the only one he'd ever let in there. He didn't like feeling so open, so defenceless. But he wasn't as scared as he would have been a year ago. He finally realised that he fully trusted Jackie. He had complete faith in her. He understood that she would never try to hurt him, and she'd never use what he'd said today to hurt him, she'd only use it to understand him. "I've always understood, Steven." Jackie said, softly. "Even though we don't talk about the really important stuff, that's okay, because I understand. I understand you. I thought you knew that, I thought all this stuff didn't have to be said, because we knew it already. Words are obviously not our strong point, but that's okay, because we have understanding."

"But Jackie, you know, what the hell are you doing here? Why have you stuck with me? Why didn't you just write me off when I …" Hyde swallowed, the mere memory of it causing him problems. "… when I cheated on you?" He saw the flash of pain cross Jackie's face, and he winced inwardly.

Jackie really didn't want to talk about that particular episode ever again, but she realised she had to. She had to make him understand that she had truly forgiven him. At the time, they'd glossed over it in the need to be back together, when they should have talked about it. "Steven, you hurt me more than I thought it was possible to hurt. But that hurt, that told me how much you meant to me. How deeply I loved you. That hurt made me want to run away and hide, and never open myself up to the possible pain again. But when I had time to think, I realised how sorry you were. When Michael told me he was sorry, a part of me didn't believe him. But when you said it, I somehow knew you were really sorry, and I knew you wouldn't do it to me again. I saw the pain in your eyes, and I wanted to take it away. I knew you'd punish yourself more than I ever could. But I needed some time alone; to make sure that I'd made the right decision. It hurt all over again when I came back and found you with another girl, but I just had to get you back. I'd missed you so much, that I knew we'd have to be together. So I fought for you. Like I'll always fight for you. For us. Like I fought for us today, even when you pushed me away, I knew I had to get through somehow." Jackie brushed her hair away from her face. Hyde suddenly reached out and turned over her wrists, seeing the bruises from when he'd pulled her through the streets earlier. Hyde stared at them in shock. He looked up at Jackie, shock still written on his face. "Steven! Don't you dare get all funny! It doesn't matter. You were angry, and they don't hurt."

"Jackie! Why didn't you say something? Crap! What the hell is wrong with me? I can't stop hurting you. But I never mean to, I swear it. Believe me Jackie, I never ever mean to hurt you." Hyde suddenly had an image of Jackie laying on the floor. His eyes widened. "Oh my God, please tell me that I didn't push you." Hyde stared earnestly into her eyes, hating himself for what he kept doing to this girl. This girl who loved him, and had never left him, and who kept coming back, because she seemed to think he was worth it. And he knew he wasn't.

"I was trying to hold you and you pushed me away. My stupid high heels made me fall over, not you. And I told you, they don't hurt. I understand, I know you'd never hurt me deliberately. Well, not anymore." Jackie tried smiling, but failed.

"Jackie, I'm so sorry about all of that. It was completely my fault. Me not trusting you, me not trusting us, me wanting to hurt you. And I did, but I'd never felt so bad in my life. I would've done anything to take that pain away ….. and that girl, it was just …. It was nothing. She was my protection, against you and all the hurt that I'd brought to both of us." Hyde shook his head. He was such an idiot.

"But baby, that's over now. We're stronger together now because we got through it. And you know, if you ever did that again, I'd hunt you down and torture you in so many ways." Jackie sweetened the threat with a kiss. Hyde grinned. He knew he'd never do that to Jackie again, he wasn't so stupid as to repeat that mistake.

Hyde smiled down at the little pixie in his arms. He bent his head, so his forehead rested on hers, and he stared deep into her eyes. "I know. I finally understood that you didn't bring hurt, you bring hope." He sighed. "And I know we didn't have to talk about stuff, because I knew you understood. But I have to admit, I didn't realise you'd understood as much as you do. I didn't realise that you cared, way back." Hyde shook his head. "Every day, you amaze me in some way. It's just that, with this stuff, its made me think, and question everything in my life. And you know what? Much as I hate talking, especially about this stuff, I'm glad I did." Jackie beamed, and Hyde couldn't resist another kiss, this time taking his time, slanting his lips over hers, enjoying the taste of her, enjoying the freedom she had given him from his past. He eventually pulled back. "But its never gonna happen again! I'm not gonna turn into Forman, and be all girly about my emotions and crap."

Jackie giggled. "I never expected you to! I think the world would come to an end if you started acting like Eric! I love my Steven, the strong and silent type." Jackie sighed in contentment, resting her head against his chest, stroking his back, while Hyde sighed in resignation and disgust.

"Jacks?" Jackie stopped daydreaming and looked up at Hyde. "I'm sorry about … you know. I just … you know." Hyde shrugged. Jackie grinned. Yeah, Hyde was definitely back. "You know, since we're being all open for once … you know how erm …. you … erm, well, you're special, Jackie. Real special."

Jackie's eyes opened wide. Which was pretty damn wide, Hyde thought as he watched her reaction, feeling pleased with himself. "Thanks for listening. And not giving up. I know most people would've left hours ago."

"Steven. I'm only gonna say this once. You're an amazing person. You mean more to me than anyone else in the world. No matter what you do to me, I'll always come back; because I'm never gonna give up on us. I promise." Jackie swore that promise to both of them. "That means we're stuck with each other. No escape." Jackie grinned up at him.

Hyde tried to look scared, but he knew she was joking. Well, he hoped she was. No, she was. Was she? "Jackie, I'm so glad you put up with me. You know that you're the first, and only, person I've ever felt like this about." His voice lowered to a whisper. "And …. I love you Jackie." Jackie squealed as she threw her arms around Hyde, raining kisses all over him. Since he rarely said the words, when he did, it meant so much more than anything else he could say or do.

Those kisses quickly turned heated. Jackie longed to feel Hyde's hands caressing her body, and Hyde needed to show his little pixie how much he cared about her. He gently lowered her onto the bed, holding her lips in a kiss. He rested his body on hers, careful not to put too much weight on her. He deepened the kiss, feeling her moving underneath him, trying to get closer. He obliged, gathering her close, feeling her moan, feeling her hands creeping under his top to touch his skin. He pulled away from their kiss, and saw her disappointment through the fog of desire in her eyes. He smiled as he hurriedly threw off his top and managed to pull hers off without too much trouble. He pulled her to a sitting position, resuming the kiss as he removed her bra, and she reached down to undo his jeans. Everywhere she touched lit a spark of need, and soon she was kissing her way down his body, stopping at his jeans as she bent down to get rid of them. He made light work of her trousers, and their underwear quickly followed. He took his time, worshipping her body, kissing every part that he could get to; each kiss became a promise of what was to come. She squirmed and moaned, pleasure vibrating through her. When he finally came up, Jackie couldn't wait any longer, and he gently slid into her, feeling her shudder around him. He moved slowly, trying to prolong the pleasure, but the rhythm took over and he was soon bringing them both to an earth-shattering climax. He fell onto the bed beside her, neither of them moving for a second, until he reached over and brought her into the circle of his arms. At that moment, he knew nothing would ever feel as right as having Jackie in his arms.

Hyde knew people cared about him, he'd always known it deep down, despite always telling himself that he was alone, a loner. But he also knew that they wouldn't have stuck around like Jackie had. She gave him the freedom he'd needed from his past, but that freedom included having her in his future, and he was more than okay with that, no matter what their future brought, no matter what happened with his new dad. He knew no-one else could have gotten through to him.

Only one person could, and that was just how he wanted it.


End file.
